Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: The world of healing can be treacherous. But suddenly Spiritual aims to provide real, honest, practical spiritual knowledge and wisdom for the true seekers among us.
The goal is to ignite the divine human within each listener, raising the collective consciousness for our planet. We will challenge your preconceptions, push your buttons, and encourage deep reflect. We're not here to adhere to the status quo of what the new age spiritual market wants you to buy into and believe.
Consider this your antidote to the woo woo and a place of woo. You.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh, Sean, we're talking about one of my favorite topics of all time, shadow work.
And full disclosure and full disclaimer.
Shadow work is not something to be feared.
And anyone who negates their shadow and thinks they don't have a shadow and they're just all love and light, hate to break it to you, but that's not true. And unfortunately, there are many spiritual influencers that do not speak to shadow work. I think it's become a little more acceptable now to speak about it, but they certainly don't focus on it at any kind of length or depth. But shadow work is something that if you choose, everything is an invitation and a choice. So if you choose to embark on a spiritual path and regain yourself the core of who you are and regain self awareness, regain health within your mind, within your body, within your spirit, shadow work is necessary.
Is it fun? No, we're not. You know, sometimes things are not fun.
Will you feel freer? Will you feel more alive when you start working with the shadow and healing and accepting and loving the shadow? Absolutely. But it's not for the faint of heart. Like, this is something you need to be ready to do and being open and willing to being a student, you are 100% a student. All of us are a student. I don't care who you are. The most masterful Zen Buddhist teacher, they have shadow too.
And we're all students or all students.
And so I love this topic. It's so deep, it's so juicy. We're going to have probably a million podcasts just on this topic, but I wanted to open Pandora's box on this one. So we're going to be talking deep diving on shadow, how to work with the shadow, and how to really harness the power of your shadow. Because there's so many gifts, there's so many gifts and jewels within the shadow. And once you find acceptance and love for those parts of yourself, you truly can become whole and free.
[00:03:17] Speaker A: So we're talking about this thing, this shadow thing, and I know what the word means to me.
And I mean, it's not unlike what the context we're talking about, because light shines on something and then the shadow is behind the object.
But in our context here, for those who don't know what we're talking about in this context, what is the shadow when we're talking about shadow work in this realm here?
[00:03:56] Speaker B: So we're going to get a little psychological for a minute. So Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, who was a student actually of Sigmund Freud, he really is the one who started using that term, that terminology, the shadow. And it really is about disavowed parts of ourself. So we're all multi dimensional in my perspective. We're all multi dimensional beings.
We have many facets, many different qualities.
And some of those qualities we don't like, or some of those qualities are demonized by society, demonized by our family of origin, culture, friends.
And if you want a quick way to figure out, maybe say you're like Maria, I don't, I don't know what that, like, I don't know what those parts are of me. If you start seeing and looking at your patterns and really being mindful about how, what triggers you, what triggers you, what annoys you, what angers you, what irritates you about other people? Typically when you get irritated, triggered annoyed about someone's behavior, it's a reflection of what element inside of you is within your shadow. So if I, if Sean irritates me because he always is particular about how he wants, you know, his meals to be served or he needs to eat with this particular cutlery or this particular plate. If I get irritated by it, then what about me?
Oh, it's the part of me that's rigid because I see the rigidity and it triggers me.
So that's the easy, like the easy answer to figuring out what are some of those shadow elements within you is by looking at how you interact with other people in your life and what annoys you about them.
[00:06:05] Speaker A: Okay, so got it. We got a definition.
We have what it is loosely. Now, how does it come about? Like, I've gone through that process of reflection, like you said, where.
And for me, the trigger, it's, it's immediate and it's like I have no choice.
When I'm triggered and I react.
We advocate the whole observer thing where. And for me, it's about a delay in reaction. I need more time. But when I get triggered, it's instant and it's always like, oh, where did that come from? I didn't choose to yell or do that. Where did that come from? But as I've increased sort of my distance and become more of an observer, and this is one I'm still working on, Perfect example is when people are late, and I. I started examining this and I went, okay, well, what does that mean? What am I thinking about?
Well, they don't respect me, they don't value my time, blah, blah, blah. Oh, insecurity on my part. So wait a minute. They're late, and because I'm insecure.
Oh, okay. And then I think, well, have I ever been late? I have, but I haven't in the last 10 years. I'm always early.
[00:07:36] Speaker B: Rarely.
[00:07:37] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. I'm always 15 minutes early. And I just wait or half an hour or whatever.
But going through that, like you said, recognizing the triggers is something that I've definitely worked on, and I'm all about tools and sharing. The one person recently that has helped me leaps and bounds with this is Michael Singer.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: Oh, interesting.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: Untethered Soul, if you know.
[00:08:06] Speaker B: Yeah, I love Untethered Soul.
[00:08:07] Speaker A: And he has a podcast, and it's just recordings of his lectures, but it's still a podcast, and it's divided up really nicely. And one of the things that's helped me a lot is he talks about the same thing over and over again, like three, four weeks in a row.
But that's why it sinks in.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: Yeah, people. Humans need that.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: And his one thing, and this is directly related to this as a tool for somebody who's trying to wrap their head around. What we're talking about here is he talks about the lines on the road, on the highway, and how when you're driving, you see the lines and they just go right by and they don't attach and you don't bump up. It's just. Okay, so he indirectly. He hasn't labeled it shadow, but it's exactly what we're talking about where, okay, somebody triggers you. It's like, well, if you don't get attached to the lines on the road, don't get attached.
Just let it go. Let it go by. And it's all about working through that and what I found.
And I definitely want to get your reaction to this, but what I found is, for me, the shadow work manifests itself in different ways. And I'll come back to that.
So let me get back to the question I asked. It's just, where does we know what it is? Loosely, like I said, but where does it come from? Like, why is it even a thing for us?
[00:09:44] Speaker B: Yeah, we're Complex humans. Why is it a thing?
There is an amazing Carl Jung quote about the shadow.
I say it a lot. So, you know, it's unconscious, unconscious aspects. It's unconscious parts of our being, our mind. So they're unconscious, so we don't know. And they're projections. And I obviously, I feel like everything comes from our young upbringings as a child. You know, there is no light without shadow and no psychic wholeness without imperfection.
So we need the shadow and we need the light. We need both things. And another really important quote is, and I'm going to get this, it's not going to be precisely the quote, but it's going to be directionally correct. The more that you basically disavow the shadow, the more like it it is going to come to find you. And you will call it destiny. I'm going to get the exact quote in a minute here so I can, you know, make sure that I'm correct in the shadow self quote.
[00:10:53] Speaker A: I can even see a bit of a spiral going on there where you accept bad things happening to you, where it's like, oh, I deserve that. Yeah, of course I did. Yeah. And for me, the, the word shadow, you know, as I was looking and going, okay, this, we're going to talk about this today.
And you know, I use that analogy all the time about needing the one thing to define the other. And I talk about it a lot with me being an introvert first. I mean, we're all introverts and extroverts. For me, it's the order.
But I can't be the best me ever by not interacting with other people.
I can do a lot of work and I found this. But for me to get to the next level as far as identifying and being comfortable with who I am, I need to go out into the world and interact with other people who aren't me.
And that helps me reinforce who me is.
And when I figured that out, I was like, oh, okay. But first I had to have that anchor of, okay, this is me. So now when I'm going out and rubbing against other people and bouncing off and interacting, it's like, no, I'm not changing.
But the difference in them versus me, it reinforces the me.
So when you talk about needing, if it's daylight all the time, then daylight doesn't exist. You need the night to go, oh, it's not night.
And when we talk about shadow, I love that you brought up the subconscious stuff because as I work through a lot of this and for me it's Just more about, why am I getting triggered by this? Why am I getting triggered by it? And the tool. Like I said, I just think of the road with the white lines. I'm like, this has nothing to do with me. So I've gone through the two kind of steps where something triggers me, and I go, why is that triggering me? This person's late. Oh, it means they don't respect me. But why am I so insecure? And then I trace that back, and it's like it's tied to maybe some abandonment issues or maybe, you know, being a latchkey kid for those who don't know what that is. You know, my mom worked two jobs, so I'd be home alone. But I was older, but it was lonely. So it was about a time thing where she, okay, I'm expecting my mom to be at home at this time. And then, oh, okay. So I kind of worked through all that. I'm like, didn't matter. It came from a good place.
And now I know Ralph appeared. Now someone's late. My first thought is, okay, I'm glad you got here safe.
Like, there wasn't an accident or something or whatever.
And most of the time when they come there's. They beat themselves up so much about being late.
It's like, why am I gonna pile onto this?
It serves no purpose whatever doing. If it's a creative thing or whatever the meeting is, you know, as soon as I just lead with, well, at least you got here safe. Now let's do what we had to do. And none of that can contribute. It affects the whole next hour or two hours or whatever. We're here.
But that is one big shadow that I've worked on, I guess, to give people an example of what I'm kind of sinking into here.
And initially, I was just saying it to say it, but I've done it so many times, I actually believe it now, where I'm like, oh, at least you're here. You're safe. And then I'm just like, let's just take a breath. Just don't worry about it. Let's do what we need to do. Because I know it has nothing to do with me. It's not like they sat at home and they went, okay, I'm gonna leave exactly 37 minutes late because I just. I have no respect for Sean.
That's never what happens.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: Yeah. And one of my shadows is when people are not considerate. And I'll give you an example. Oh, and the quote. The quote that I was referencing before was, until you make the unconscious conscious. It will direct your life and you will call it fate.
So the shadow lives in the unconscious. And so if we don't make the shadow conscious, it'll direct our lives. And we will call it fate. We will call it our destiny.
So I was at a concert outside in this beautiful garden recently, and my beautiful friend, who is an incredible classically trained musician, she conducts her events in a very specific way.
She is very spiritual, and it's almost like a ceremonial space when she sings and plays and she asks that for the first hour of the concert, that nobody claps, that nobody talks, that nobody makes any sound.
And so I'm used to this. So I'm sitting in this beautiful garden. I'm listening to Kira Singh, and in front of me was these two men who had a blanket. They were sitting and, you know, in the concert with me, and they were talking.
Not only were they talking, but they started vaping in front of me, which, like, I. I'm allergic to smoke. That's just the thing. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. I'm not allergic to.
Yeah, cigarette smoke. I'm allergic to that. I'm not allergic to, like, sage and other things being burned. That's fine. But cigarette smoke, smoke, I'm specifically allergic to. So they're smoking and talking loudly and making jokes. I was triggered beyond triggered. I was imagining strangling them. It was just like a whole thing. I was like, how can they be so disrespectful to her? She was very clear with her instructions. There's zero consideration. There's zero respect. And they don't respect anybody here because they're not listening to what is being asked. And this is really destroying my experience of this beautiful concert. I'm so angry. I was so angry. I was infuriated. And then I took a step back and I said, okay, you have choices here. Either you shut up and don't say, like, you don't. You don't confront them. You can do that. You can confront them, which will make it worse because now you're talking.
So that's a no, no that I'm not going to do that.
Or you can simply send these people compassion and acceptance and call it a day and choose not to allow these people to infringe on what time, what kind of good time or bad time you have. Like, why are you giving your power away?
And so, and this came back, like, to my childhood, where it was always like, we, you're a kid, we don't care. We don't have to respect what you want. We're just gonna do what we're gonna do, and we don't have to even explain it to you. And if you don't like it, oh, well, you're just gonna have to deal with it. We don't put you into our thoughts within consideration.
And I started sending these two gentlemen lots of acceptance and, like, speaking internally with so much love and compassion towards them. Within five minutes, they got up and they left.
I was like, amazing. All I had to do was see what I was doing, see where my shadow was coming out to play, and do the opposite of what I would normally do. Like, don't be defiant by doing the opposite of what other people want you to do. Be defiant by doing what you want.
[00:19:22] Speaker A: And so George Costanza.
[00:19:26] Speaker B: Exactly. It's back to George Costanza doing the opposite. Like, if it didn't work one way or you've consistently been doing it this one way, like, do the opposite.
So and they left. And then I was like, you know what? I was just talking to my higher self. I'm so glad that this came up, because then it allows me to look more deeply at other places within my shadow where I get triggered. And they left, and they went off into, like, the interior. There's an art gallery. And they were gone. And then I enjoyed the rest of the concert in silence. It was crazy.
